GUEST WRITER: TAYLOR YU / by Jason Johnson


i. 

Stuck in a time where building followers holds more importance than building connections 

Where masking real emotions becomes the norm 

I fill my message box with emojis hoping it will make you feel how happy my selections are 

I lol at all your texts as I wipe away the tears from my eyes 

I #ootd to dress up in disguise 

I #tbt to better times

And share these perfectly selected memories, hoping you will see the wonderful life I lead 

I touch and screen and filter each image I wish to share 

As I stare into the mirror hating my hair 

Hating my body

Hating my face

But with each snap sent, not a strand misplaced 

Stuck in a time where building an image holds more importance than building a life 

Posting accomplishments in search of validation as we tally up all the likes

Filtered thoughts as we rummage through our options of things to share 

62 weeks into your profile yet in person no words to share 

It's like we know everything about each other 

When really there's no substance here 

What a time...

 

ii.

Intimacy...

 

I guess what I failed to realize was how powerful my energy was. 

How powerful my body was and how intimate the experience of sharing that with others was. 

I failed to realize how much of myself I was giving to others, others who knew nothing of me. 

I shared my sex with beings 

In exchange for love

And was broken when I found 

Even that was not enough

Imagine being told 

All the things you've ever wished to hear

From all the wrong ones 

Whispered in your ear 

 

I was just a naive & lost girl seeking acceptance of hearts between the legs of other men

 

Spreading those of my own 

In hopes to find my way home

 

Imagine the pain and disgust and the instant guilt that filled within me 

 

To gather my clothes and fix my hair 

And be pushed out the door without a care 

I wondered why love was spoken of and never really there

There are days sometimes 'till now that I feel the weight of my mistakes 

Somedays I wish to hold the hand of the lost girl and show her the way 

To tell her that love does not speak 

In the places that you seek

That love is not built 

Under shared quilt 

 

To look within to find all that she was searching for

 

She was rich with the intent to find peace

But her mind for which was very weak

I guess it was in part derived from feeling like the one she truly loved showed no love reciprocated 

So she chose from men placed before her on false love she fabricated 

I guess it was in part derived from the lack of love she has for her own 

So she fell into the arms of many men unknown

If only she knew that in future she grew to be a beautiful and brilliant mind

That the power she had within her soul could awaken humankind

If only she knew then all that she knows now

That every inch of her being is meaningful somehow 

 

I share these words to that long ago lost soul 

This woman writing to you knows how to make you whole 

I share these words to that long ago lost soul

Not all mistakes which are made are terrible stories to be told

Those intimate moments that you shared with undeserving men 

Helped shaped these intimate words shared through this pen 

 

Not all those who wander are lost forever...

 

Follow her: 

Insta / twitter: @yuberry